Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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