made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My feet surprised me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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