we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
