Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize