I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
