saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
