naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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