he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
