I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
