Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
