Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
