it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
