Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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