do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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