Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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