half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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