come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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