brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Let's paint friendship bongs
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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