Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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