Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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