just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
