Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
