Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
