I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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