Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
