fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
