Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
