that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
