no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
