Need sex. Gaining weight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
