i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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