I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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