I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
