If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
