dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
