Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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