i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
