She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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