She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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