everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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