Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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