thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
