Can i not drive my cunt home
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
