we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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