I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
