You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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