he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
