I'm jealous of your bromance
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
