he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
