White coat. Heels.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
