Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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