we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
