we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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