I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
