you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
