wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize