JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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