My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
