When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
