Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
