Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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