we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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