I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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