apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
