you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
