I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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