Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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