you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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