We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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