dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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