wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
