just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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