Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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