The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
