I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think i have herpe
just one?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
