don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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