in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
