I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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