i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
