I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
