He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
