i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
