I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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