Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
