I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
