There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
