Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
