i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
